This actually makes a bit of sense - and yet it’s a Scott Steiner promo. How can this be?!?!?!

*CM Punk gets slimed in Australia while doing a sketch with the cast of iCarly. So we now know that slime is drug and alcohol free.

*(Part of) this headline is great: “Triple H stands alone.” Ok, it’s not really that great, but it made me think that Triple H should henceforth be dubbed “The Cheese” and that is great.

*Speaking of standing alone: all those guys who walked out on Raw last Monday will be on Raw this Monday.. Remember when Voodoo Kin Mafia would go on TNA’s show and talk about how they’d been kicked off TNA’s show, or whatever? I’m sure this angle will be just as big a success!

*Brock Lesnar will appear in the next WWE video game. In unrelated news, A-Train asked that his character be removed from the next WWE video game.

*Right on, Cena’s got a new movie coming out! Let’s take a look at the trailer:

Wait a minute - he’s NOT rescuing his girlfriend? But it’s a Cena movie, he ALWAYS rescues his girlfriend! WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS?!?!

I mean, it looks better than “The Chaperone,” but still.

*Ric Flair on planned shoulder surgery: “I may not even have to have it… The doctor looked at it and said the thing was healing itself.” But didn’t it say in that Grantland article that Ring of Honor took possession of Flair’s shoulder as part of a debt settlement?

*The other funny bit from that Mooneyham article: “Steiner shot on [opponent Vordell] Walker during their first contact in the ring, delivered a stiff kick to his face and busted open Walker’s lip. The match deteriorated at that point, with Walker retaliating with some shoot kicks of his own, a guillotine chokehold and an assortment of moves from which the former University of Michigan standout had trouble escaping.

“Walker later confronted Steiner and challenged him to fight ‘if that’s what he preferred,’ with Steiner reportedly cursing and walking away from any further damage.”

The article doesn’t include Scotty’s take on the Vordell Walker match, but I did manage to get his reaction. Maybe this will explain what went on between the two dudes:

Shine on, Big Bad Booty Daddy!

HE’S FAT!!!

Scott Steiner: “SHUT UP SHUT UP blahblailghikodaduoipsbkahblah… I’M HUNGRY”

When we last checked in on the other trainwreck of a wrestling company, they’d just taken their world championship off of Samoa Joe the Bad Poet, and put it on part-time wrestler and full-time old guy Sting, thanks to a completely unexpected SWERVE by Kevin Nash, which launched the exciting Old Rich Guys Fight Vanilla Midgets angle that Vince Russo wanted to use in WCW but bankrupted the company before he could finish. Also, Kurt Angle got hit with a board a lot so SUICIDE could debut, but SUICIDE got hurt so now Jeff Jarrett hits him with guitars and they make fun of their marriages, or something. In other words, things are looking up AND making lots of sense. This, my peoples, is a company on solid ground. Oh wait, I’m sorry, this is a company that’s knocked the grizzled carcass of WCW off its ground and said “we don’t have Billy Kidman to stop us this time.” So along with the SWERVES and hilarious backstage sketches and the incomprehensible gimmicks and the innumerable things left on poles for wrestlers to get, we’ve now learned that Sting, the company’s World Champion, is on the verge of retirement and that Mick Foley fears for his life around Kurt Angle, and Scott Steiner is back so everyone is legitimately in danger, and Derek Jeter visited the Impact Zone and will probably be X-Division Champ by the weekend. Oh, and by the way, Mick Foley is loopy as a loon according to none other than his best buddy Terry Funk:

I remember when we were in Japan, he went ahead and this one Japanese guy came up to me. He said, “Oh, Lookey here.� He’s got his clothes on but he’s got Mick Foley’s underwear on. I said “Where did you get those?� He said “Mick Foley, he sell to me.� Hell, Mick sold him his underwear for 3,000 yen, $20 or $30 bucks or something like that.

Sting conquers the something-less-than-vaunted Black Scorpion at Starrcade 90: Watching this video makes me feel bad for Sting. Here he is, the World Heavyweight Champion, the biggest target in wrestling, numero uno on the Horsemen’s hit list. His opponent has MAGIC POWERS, for crying out loud, and repeatedly brings multiple Scorpions with him to every match. Yet Sting’s plan in case he gets jumped by somebody is to hope Z-Man and Ricky Morton are around? Or that the Steiners happen to bring bolt cutters to the arena? Sheesh. Thanks to AnimeJoe for posting.