And to think we used to say that Ric Flair was wrestling’s answer to Kirk “Can I Borrow a Feeling” Van Houten! No, the truth is Ric Flair is wrestling’s answer to Krusty the Klown, spending money on condor egg omelets and betting against the Harlem Globetrotters until the only thing left to do to raise dough is open a clown college. Which is apparently the only organization to which Naitch does not owe money. I’m referring to “The Wrestler in Real Life” on Grantland.com, which is so chock full of depressing details about Slick Ric that I can only bring myself to recap a handful of the horrifying truths. I guess we can take comfort in knowing that while Ric Flair will probably have to keep wrestling until he’s 90, his matches at age 90 will still be better than most of Randy Orton’s matches today. (Hotcha!) #5: Ric and then-wife Beth buy tens of thousands of dollars in furniture, and take a novel approach when the bank tries to collect its money:

: In September, bank representatives called Fliehr at 1:30 a.m., threatening his wrestling earnings. The bank asked if Fliehr thought he deserved special treatment. In a different phone call, Elizabeth heard a voice in the background say, “Tell him you’re Steve Austin.”

In May, Fliehr and a group of other wrestlers, including Scott Hall (“Razor Ramon”) and Virgil Runnels III (“Dustin Rhodes a.k.a. Goldust”) were on a chartered flight back to the United States after a series of shows in Europe. They began drinking, and the situation quickly deteriorated. Two flight attendants, Taralyn Cappellano and Heidi Doyle, would compile their allegations into a 2004 lawsuit. Chief among the chronicled misdeeds was Fliehr’s sexual aggression. He wore nothing but a jeweled cape, the flight attendants said.

Fliehr was also sued, again, by BB&T for repayment of $35,000 on a $400,000 loan they’d given him in 1998 to start “Flair with Wood,” a business that operated his Gold’s Gym in Hickory, N.C. “It seemed like it would be a home run in Hickory,” Fliehr later said. He went on to speak about his partners in the enterprise, saying, “They just robbed, stole, cheated, and left me holding the debt.”

In June 2009, Tiffany hired a moving company to retrieve her possessions from Fliehr’s house. She allegedly broke into the home using a shovel. In the process, she destroyed five “Flair Bear” stuffed animals and took 25. Also taken from Fliehr’s house were 12 action figures, two handguns, three robes, a ruby necklace, and Fliehr’s dog. One of the destroyed Flair Bears was found in a “lewd and lascivious” position in Fliehr’s pool.

The dog was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Natch. Fliehr confirmed with his veterinarian that not only did Tiffany take the dog, but also had the “temerity to re-name Defendant’s dog.”